Screw This

I've given up on life since years ago, not daring to dream anymore nor seeing myself reaching for anything above. It's funny, when you finally be at peace with yourself, you just realize that you are not healing, you are just ready. I thought I would be afraid, but I am not. I turn from someone who had ambitions into someone who just live because well I am still alive and I had responsibilities here?

Is it just a shape of disappointment? I don't think so, I truly tried thinking so hard, finding what went wrong and yes of course I know when it finally went wrong, but do I try to fix it? No, I don't really care about it, I just.. giving up already and I've been doing this for too long.

People said, "look at your daughter and son, maybe you'll find strength".
I did and the only strength that I had is to working very hard so I might be able to leave them money for their future.

I am just broken and sick right now. I couldn't turn any screw in my head to make all of it make sense. am I going crazy?

Oh and yes, I forgot a lot for someone who treasure memories, I forgot too much.

sudah tertulis dengan baik kalimat penutupnya.

dan ternyata tahun ini ditutup lebih awal dengan menutup kembali pintunya.

Another Year Another Attempt

Cheers for 2020!

I know I've always doing this in every start of the new year. But, this time I have faith in myself. After stopped smoking for almost two years, it is time to start putting some of my bad habits out of the bag. That is why I choose to write in this blog instead of telling other people.

And there is one that I need to remove it fast. It's a procrastination.

I just learned that some of our habits basically created by our mind as our safe space. So I guess after learning and knowing what to do and what to change, I believe in myself that I can do it and I am doing it not because I am happy or I am angry while drowning in failure. I am not! Life is ordinary just like the way it happen before. That's what make me believe that I can do it. Just like stop taking any cigarettes.

So I guess, yes. I can't wait to share how it goes after 30 days. Remember, it always takes only 21 days to give ourselves a new habit.

See you!